I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
