im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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