just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
