id be glad to
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
