he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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