You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
