walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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