i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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