At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
where are you?
Hypothermia
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
