I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
only you would photoshop your dick
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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