Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
