Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
