We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
