would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
