What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
