my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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