it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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