I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
