Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
