Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
