omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
They have beer where we have blood.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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