While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Semen is not good for contacts.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
