I am in a vortex of obligation.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
