Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
