Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
