So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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