new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I accidentally burped into my bong.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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