whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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