omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
