No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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