Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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