And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
