he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
