So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
