It's like God shit irony all over that family
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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