Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
