I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
