youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i just google imaged poop.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
