oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
