I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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