Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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