Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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