we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
