Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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