people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
