It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
