We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
