i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
