He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
