i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
