I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
and you fell through a lawn chair
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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