That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
