Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
