Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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