gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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